Dun-duh-duh-dun...

...I bought my wedding/elopement dress today. :)

In a size ZERO, no less! Seriously, thank God for vanity sizing.

Here was my inspiration:



Chris Kole has designed a brilliant collection called "The Cotton Bride" which uses natural fibers to create gorgeous (and totally unostentatious) bridal gowns. The unfortunate downside, however is the price point - at about $2,500, one Chris Kole gown would bust our entire elopement/honeymoon budget.

So I did the next best thing; I dragged Jackie to the Glendale Galleria and told her we were going shopping, but "if we happen to find something pretty, white, and maybe linen, that'd be great too." Her response: "KRISSY... ARE WE WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING?!" "Maybe," I answered kind of meekly. "But only if we find something that's just right."

Fast forward to our visit to White Dress Black Market, a Michelle Obama fave. I seriously didn't think we'd find anything, due to the upscale but casual nature of the clothes. But Jackie insisted. And then I found it... A pretty, classic, almost Audrey Hepburn-esque little white dress, made out of pure silk and linen. Perfect for a city hall wedding.


I'm going to post a picture now - NOT of the dress itself - but of a dress of similar type, by J Crew. Mine is actually short; right around the mid-knee, slightly shorter than tea-length.



...Did you catch the part where it has pockets? Quelle magnifique!

Best part? It's so classically simple and pretty that I can dress it up with jewelry, fabulous shoes, or maybe even a tasteful sash around the waist. Or a pashmina wrap! Plus, if for some reason I were to decide I was over the strapless aspect, the dress comes with attachable straps for a versatile look.

And all for less than what my mom paid for either of my prom dresses. ;-)

The Ultimate Transparency

At first glance, it would seem that Dennis Kucinich (D-OH)...

...and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak

have very little in common.

But nice-guy personalities aside, they do share a single common bond: the man behind Apple and the congressman who eats the fruit both use Twitter to pander for votes... for dancing. The Woz for his bid on ABC's Dancing With the Stars, and Kucinich for his wife Elizabeth's bid on Cleveland's Dancing With the Stars.

We're used to hearing about celebrities moonlighting as (sometimes prolific) Twitterers; Mariah, Demi, Ashton, Diddy... I'm talking to you. But lest we not forget with whom it all started:

The Big O.

Yes, it was our very own President Barack Obama, who twittered (and Facebooked, MySpaced, and blogged) his way to the White House in 2008. With more than half-a-million followers under his belt, he is the most followed person on Twitter. Supporters and critics alike flocked to his tweets throughout the election - not only for news and information, but for unprecedented access to the man himself.

Consider this - back in the olden days of 2000 and 2004, the 160-character 'tweet' was but a sci-fi figment of our imaginations. If you wanted to kvetch to your congressman about how badly they were representing you in Washington, you had to write them through official channels. Maybe your letter might make it past Assistants 1-3, the Lead Adviser to the Congressman, and the Official Anthrax Tester, but even then there are no guarantees. Fearing all the red tape, how many Americans failed to even try to contact their leaders to voice their wants, needs and concerns? Enter the Senator from Illinois, backed by a very Web 2.0-savvy team, who fully took advantage of all the (free!) tools of social networks like MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter. Suddenly, the entire country was given free, instant, and constant access with the man running for the highest office in the land(!) And it wasn't just an illusion - Barack Obama actually read what people had to say, and aptly used FAQs, stories and ideas to help explain his own agenda. Time and time again, in the confines of only 160 characters, he was able to understand his constituents' questions and concerns, and distill his answers down for the LCD. And as a direct consequence of receiving constant information and access, people listened. They learned. They followed.

Now here we are, just three months since Obama took office, and having figured out the equation, other lawmakers are starting to jump on the bandwaggon.

Enter, TWEETCONGRESS!

Now everyone - including you! - can follow your Congressperson, Senator and Governor's every move! Not only moving towards a more transparent government, but a more transparent governing body - like in the literal, individual sense.

This is HUGE. With just a click and a scan, I can find out that Nancy Pelosi is "investing in women and children" at the same time that John McCain is congratulating Curt Schilling on his illustrious baseball career! Wow, thanks TweetCongress!

Coming soon to a Twitter near you: TweetSchoolteachers. TweetCalTrans. TweetVPutin! Everything will be transparent. It'll be like 1984, except we all get to be Big Brother, creating a positive checks-and-balances utopia...

Perhaps I'm reaching. But in this New Dawn of Possibilities, I can't help but feel like the sky's the limit.

Thanks, Big O.

Clueless, as reimagined with Gilad

Someone out there in the abyss of Bloggity McBlog land, please tell me you've heard of the 8th wonder of the exercise world: GILAD.

With a last name that sounds more like kinky pillow talk between Austrians (Ohh... Janklowicz!), it's no wonder that he just goes by 'Gilad.' And it helps that he's the only Gilad I've ever heard of with a TV show and/or any kind of notoriety.

But back to the point...

There's a scene in my third favorite movie of all time, wherein Cher and Tai (Alicia Silverstone and Brittany Murphy, respectively) are enduring an 80s exercise video starring Jane Fonda, who strongly encourages them to "squuuuuuueeeeze [their] buttocks as [they] come up." After some serious physical prodding by Cher, Tai finally exclaims "Cher, I don't wanna do this anymore! And my buns, they don't feel NOTHING like STEEL."

Had they been watching Gilad on FitTV, I have a feeling that scene would've gone somewhat differently. Perhaps it would've gone something like this:

GILAD: DO IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!
CHER: Tai, Gilad can tell if you're not doing it full-out. Don't do everything so sporadically!
TAI: What's (pant, pant) spermadicly?
GILAD: NOW SLAP YOUR BUTT!!!
(Cher shakes out her muscle, slaps her rear)
TAI: What.. the...?
CHER: DON'T YOU WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND POPULAR?!
(Tai slaps hard enough to leave handprints)

Gilad. Changing one booty at a time since 1984.

...And [sporadically] changing mine since 2007.

PS
Apparently, I'm not the only one who has seen the very special episode of Total Body Sculpt with the infamous butt-slapping (after what was, admittedly, a KILLER outer thigh workout, which warranted all the slapping in the world... notice how the girl in the background says 'oww' while laughing).

Ohh, Gilad.

Don't Be Such a Dick Lock

Take a note, Assholes of the World:

Toothpicks...


and car door locks...


do NOT mix!


I mean, *really.* What part of my little silver Honda Civic LX being parked unobtrusively in the My Gym parking lot whilst I worked 11.5 hours of my life away (throwing BIRTHDAY PARTIES, no less) bothered you SO MUCH that you felt the need to stick an effing toothpick in the car door lock? Why? WHY??

I'm a good Samaritan. I pay my bills on time, talk to the homeless guy in front of Subway for the better part of an hour when no one else will even give him the time of day... I am a vegan for Christ's sake! I live and let live!

But you. You. You just couldn't leave my car alone. I mean you could've gone for a BMW or a Mercedes; shaken your triumphant (albeit assholey) fist at the Capitalist MAN that put our country into this current mess - and God knows that here in Encino - in a VALET LOT - you could've had your pick. But no. You had to take it out on my little four-dour, scratched, dirty eco-friendly compact car. Fuck you, sir.

To quote Kenny Powers in Eastbound and Down, you are a vagina with a mullet.

Look, Maw! I gots me an edumacation!

How did I never see this before?
I spent an untold number of years slaving away in hell, being slapped in the face repeatedly with "collateral" this and "upper division writing requirement" that, and "Special CSUN Section F requirements" plus "LASH/NON-LASH 60/40 rule *misery,*" and yet, somehow, with aaaaallll of that deep and penetrating education I received for the better part of a decade, I managed to miss this.
How??



A million thanks to J over at Internet Smoothie for pointing me in the right direction.

Y'know. To Northrigde.

Rant of the Year

Kids, have we learned nothing from the McCain/Letterman debacle of last year? ::le sigh::

The economy is bad. Vewy, vewwwy bad, and everyone knows it... Unless you're CNBC, of course... Then you just act like everything is citrus-colored rainbows and glitter & glitz.

But provided you live in the real world (and quite possibly have no job, no health insurance and are about to lose your home), you're well aware of how much things suck.

So is Jon Stewart - who was all set to take CNBC's Rick Santelli to task for opposing homeowner bailouts (while AIG exces lounge around St. Regis on the taxpayer's dime $100 bill)... Until CNBC and Santelli unceremoniously canceled on the Daily Show host at the last minute.

Note to self: DON'T piss off Jon Stewart. For he will come back at you with a seven (7!) minute top-of-the-show segment dedicated to ripping you a new one.

In the wake following the Jon-Stewart-Rick-Santelli beatdown, yesterday The Colbert Report ran with guest Jim Cramer, host of CNBC's "Mad Money." ...Awkward, much?

Leave it to Stephen Colbert to soften the blow with the liberal use of puppies and kittens.