Why Can't We Be Friends?

Harry: You realize of course that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying... is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true.
Harry: No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.
He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. Cause you're the only person I knew in New York.

First, though definitely not foremost, how is it possible that I never knew about this blog written by someone who vaguely sounds like me, dated someone named Justin, and calls herself Krissy In the City?

Her story reminds me very much of one from my own from the past, only her Justin was my Elliot*, (or so we will call him for the sake of this blog). Elliot and I were as close as could be - he was the Dawson to my Joey, the Joey to my Rachel, and the Michael to my Jules in My Best Friend's Wedding.
(small aside: how much did I NERD OUT seeking out these ridiculous-yet-awesome fangirl clip videos on YouTube?)

Running theme: it was never meant to be, at least in the romantic sense. We did try dating once - VERY briefly - and we quickly realized we weren't meant to be a couple. And that was okay with me. More than okay, if I'm being totally honest. I liked having a built-in male BFF whom I could rely on for counsel, advice, support, and good old-fashioned ego stroking. And he was straight! - a rarity among my group of male friends. Really, it was perfect... Or so I thought.

As you probably guessed, our friendship ended up not working out, and it withered similarly to how Krissy and Justin's relationship ended - only with Elliot there was 30% less drama and about 60% more passive aggressiveness. To this day, I still mourn the loss. I probably always will.

But a conversation at work (which carried over into a conversation at home) earlier today got me thinking: did it not work out because (as Harry hypothesized in When Harry Met Sally) men and women simply can't be friends? It's a subject brought up at parties and over dinner dates - and most often I find that people are clearly on one side of the fence or the other. Well, I have one leg on both sides. Behold, my objective and subjective answers to the age old question: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY BE FRIENDS, WITHOUT SEX GETTING IN THE WAY?

OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING: Of course. Yes, women are naturally better at this than men, as we're biologically more capable of separating sex from the various other aspects of our lives. We just don't think of sex every 5 seconds, like men do. But men can still maintain a platonic relationship with another woman (not their girlfriend or spouse) without necessarily wanting to sleep with them - *even* if they're attractive. My husband is a very good example of a man with this sort of disposition and character; the "best man" at our wedding was actually a female friend of his -- Allison. And as attractive as they both are individually, there has never been an underlying sexual chemistry of any kind, whatsoever.

SUBJECTIVELY SPEAKING: ...Maybe not. Though I think it's *entirely* possible in theory and - sometimes - in practice to be friends without yearning for additional "benefits," I've found that in my personal experience, this has simply not been the case. Almost without exception, every single heterosexual male friend I've ever had has at one point or another expressed an interest in getting in my knickers. Some have been bolder than others, but by and large, this has been my legacy. And before we get any big ideas here, I want to make it clear to everyone that I *DON'T* believe this has been the case because I have supermodel-good-looks or a kiss-of-the-spiderwoman like gravitational pull. On the contrary!

To hear a good friend of mine tell it (and yes, he's male), "it's because you're a cool person AND you're hot. If you were just cool, but unattractive, it could work out as totally platonic friendship. Or if you were gratuitously hot, but not very cool, there would be that sexual attraction but no friendship. But when you have the perfect storm of someone getting to know you - realizing you're cool and everything - AND you're hot. Then YEAH, THEY'RE GOING TO WANT TO JUMP YOU."

When pressed about how a person's marital (or relationship) status effects this equation, he basically said it matters not. So even if you're unavailable - as long as you're cool and attractive - your friend will fantasize about you with no clothes on. Yep. Nekkid.

For what it's worth, the Husband refutes this last theory totally, and I think his relationship with Allison (and other good female friends) are good arguments for the other side.

What's your feeling - can we all be friends?
A penny for your thoughts...

True Blood Goldenrod

I have a confession to make... I don't watch HBO's True Blood...



Not that I don't love all-things premium cable - Sex and the City, Weeds, The Tudors, Curb Your Enthusiasm thankyouverymuch! But for some reason, the vamp drama hasn't caught on with me just yet. The husband insists that I should give it a chance; he knows I sometimes disregard shows in their first run for no good reason, only to fall in love with them in syndication. Case in point: though I liked it ok when it ran on the WB, it wasn't until Buffy started rerunning on TBS at three in the morning that I fell in bloody love. Yeah, I know. I was a little late to the party on that one.


But back to True Blood. It sounds great based on everything I've been told, and it helps that one of my favorite Bold and Beautiful actresses, Ashley Jones (aka Bridget Forrester), is supposedly beginning a stint on it...

Yet I don't feel grabbed by the neck by it, so to speak. Oh well.

So I sat idly by and let my husband watch it a few days ago, barely paying attention... That is, until I happened to notice a beautiful, vivid maxi dress being worn by one of the characters (I learned her name is Maryann) at a *very* naked party. In fact, she may have been the only woman wearing clothes. Which is why she stood out.




"Gee!" thought I, "what a pretty dress. I need more pretty dresses like that. Hey, I feel inspired to look up BCBG dresses on eBay, since I love them so but can never afford them retail!"

And what do I see as the first listing...?



Can I get a WOOT WOOT?!

Who knew the HBO/BCBG stars would be so aligned? I called it without even trying!

And - btw - $69 is a LOT better than $600, if I do say so myself.

Maybe I should reconsider my career as a buyer...

The Good Wife

Guess who's now a married woman...?

If you pointed a finger at the screen and said "why YOU, she who goes by Brave Little Toaster!" then you win a prize!

Indeed, I am now a Missus. Replete with "Mrs" responsibilities, or as Housekeeping Monthly might call them, "wifely duties." I am a committed, married woman, dedicated to bettering myself, continually strengthening our bond, and evolving our coupling into an eventual family. Likewise, I expect my new husband to return the favor. He is just as much my partner, friend, and ally as I am to him. And in our almost five years together, we've always held each other up in equal parts - I make him laugh, he makes me laugh, I make him mad, he makes me cry; it's really all a balancing act, for better or worse (and really, mostly for the better). Which is as it should be.

That is, unless you ask Candace Cameron Buré...

Yup, the eldest Tanner daughter eschews feminism in all of it's subversive forms - especially in the context of marriage. Rather, the uber-Christian Full House alum says she has but a sole purpose in life. And - lest you get ahead of yourself - that sole purpose isn't 'to help people with AIDS,' 'to help small children and animals,' or 'lobby for universal health coverage.' No. DJ Tanner's raison d'être - nay - THE REASON SHE WAS PUT ON THIS PLANET is so she can be of assistance to her husband, Valeri. Or, as she puts it, "...to be his help meet."

His help meet. Sounds strangely like help meat, does it not?

Holy spam! In one fell swoop, she and her fundamentalist side dish Debi Pearl manage to set women back 50-100 years.

Honestly, I pity Candace's poor daughter, Natasha... Who is likely to grow up never realizing her full potential, and who will always be dependent on some man to lead her and validate her. As a child, she's already being robbed of a happy and fulfilling future as a strong, independent woman. How sad.

Or perhaps - as Mrs. Buré suggests - I've just been brainwashed by the liberal, feminazi media.

Oh well. Time to go don my apron and dust in high heels, all while ensuring I don't whistle while I work so loudly as to disturb my Husband's tivo'd episode of PTI...