The Good Wife

Guess who's now a married woman...?

If you pointed a finger at the screen and said "why YOU, she who goes by Brave Little Toaster!" then you win a prize!

Indeed, I am now a Missus. Replete with "Mrs" responsibilities, or as Housekeeping Monthly might call them, "wifely duties." I am a committed, married woman, dedicated to bettering myself, continually strengthening our bond, and evolving our coupling into an eventual family. Likewise, I expect my new husband to return the favor. He is just as much my partner, friend, and ally as I am to him. And in our almost five years together, we've always held each other up in equal parts - I make him laugh, he makes me laugh, I make him mad, he makes me cry; it's really all a balancing act, for better or worse (and really, mostly for the better). Which is as it should be.

That is, unless you ask Candace Cameron Buré...

Yup, the eldest Tanner daughter eschews feminism in all of it's subversive forms - especially in the context of marriage. Rather, the uber-Christian Full House alum says she has but a sole purpose in life. And - lest you get ahead of yourself - that sole purpose isn't 'to help people with AIDS,' 'to help small children and animals,' or 'lobby for universal health coverage.' No. DJ Tanner's raison d'être - nay - THE REASON SHE WAS PUT ON THIS PLANET is so she can be of assistance to her husband, Valeri. Or, as she puts it, "...to be his help meet."

His help meet. Sounds strangely like help meat, does it not?

Holy spam! In one fell swoop, she and her fundamentalist side dish Debi Pearl manage to set women back 50-100 years.

Honestly, I pity Candace's poor daughter, Natasha... Who is likely to grow up never realizing her full potential, and who will always be dependent on some man to lead her and validate her. As a child, she's already being robbed of a happy and fulfilling future as a strong, independent woman. How sad.

Or perhaps - as Mrs. Buré suggests - I've just been brainwashed by the liberal, feminazi media.

Oh well. Time to go don my apron and dust in high heels, all while ensuring I don't whistle while I work so loudly as to disturb my Husband's tivo'd episode of PTI...