You had me at "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?



I'll ask you to reserve judgment until you reach the end of this list.

Highlights from the worst/best analogies of high school students:

1. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
2. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
3. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
4. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
5. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
6. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.
7. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
8. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
9. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
10. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.