16 26 Candles...

In exactly one week from tomorrow, I will be 26 years old. Just a number, and just a day... Yet it seems as good a reason as any to revive Ye Olde Blog.

In and of itself, 26 is not a big year. Everything is pretty much downhill after 21, and once you're over 25 you can officially be described as being in your "mid-late twenties," which I have yet to hear any of my friends cheer as a good thing. In fact, with the exception of one birthday I've helped celebrate this year (Robbie, Justin's brother, flew out to L.A. for his 21st), all of my friends met their birthdays with a healthy dose of groaning and general dissatisfaction with the idea of getting older and having no big birthdays to look forward to. Bah humbug, we're all grandmas. Sixty may be the new 40, but 25+ is the new 75. You might as well get me a walker, the way we all make it sound.

So 26. Yup. Not a big year, unless you count that walker I have coming to me... Or unless you look back on the year that I just had. You know, 25? Aka the year wherein I crashed two cars, graduated college, got engaged, got married, went to Hawaii, became responsible for all my own finances, bought a new car, and contrary to any post-graduation plans I made, became a My Gymer for Life and simultaneously bid goodbye to my BFF Jackie, and watched her walk away from the job I helped train her for. Oh, and I just got notice of my impending 10-year high school reunion. I'll pause if you want to reread that whole paragraph again.

To say that things have changed a lot in the last year is insufficient. I am a completely different person. At this time last year, I was cheering Obama and cursing Linda Bowen and her stupid project, planning a dance performance for school, and considering the merits of breaking into radio versus TV after graduating. Justin was my boyfriend; not even my fiancé. I had totaled the Solara and hit the Civic, and in order to punish myself was riding the metro to and from school and work every day... I was rekindling friendships with some and saying goodbye to others. And my mom was still speaking to me.

Perhaps all of these changes help to explain why on the eve of my 26th birthday, I am vacillating back and forth between feeling manic, anxious, depressed, sad, and overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong - most (if not all) of the changes I've incurred over the past 358 days have been good ones. I'm in a better place than I was last year, certainly. But it's a lot. It's been a LOT to take in, and perhaps I haven't given myself the proper time to sit and breathe and consider it all. By nature, I'm a reflective, introspective person. I talk a lot, and think even more. I write, I sing, I dance... I've always found ways to channel my emotions. But this year I just haven't had the time. Everything happened at such a break-neck pace it simultaneously feels like my 25th birthday was both last week and 50 years ago. I find myself looking in the mirror lately and, before I can help it, wondering "who *is* this person?" The eyes are the same, and the hair. But something about the face is different... Maybe it's the bad skin. Ohh soon-to-be-26-y/o-Grandma, get thee to a Dermatologist, health insurance be damned!

But yeah. There it is. For someone who eschews making transitions as much as I do, I sure did go through a lot of them. Yet here I am, with a huge year with life-altering changes under my belt, and at the end of the day I'm not entirely sure what to think. It's like my brain was a PC for far too long and now it's been upgraded to MAC OS. Really, it's for the best but it's too much to process. Server overload! Server overload!

So since my brain is waiting in line for service at the Genius Bar, my emotions have taken up the slack. And seeing as how coping was never my strong suit, it's really no wonder that I'm all over the map. Happy! sad. Excited! pissed. Social! lonely. Content! bored. Proud! immodest. ...Extrovert. It's like high school all over again, except without the Creek and without Dawson. Same high-strung emotions, same cycle-of-life changes that that tumultuous time brings, same acne. Just no late-night rehearsals and never-ending double entendre between friends. Well wait, nevermind... I still have the second part. ;-) Indeed, my life right now is a Kevin Williamson monologue addressed to no one.

But here I am. About to be 26, married, and with a new last name, and new family... Graduated with a B.A. but never even opened the package containing my 7-years-earned degree. In the past 10 years, I have made more friends than I have lost, but can't stop myself from mourning the losses anyway... and I am about to RSVP to my high school reunion.

I am also about to complain about my mile-long to-do list, when I look down at the mug I'm drinking my iced chai out of, and I can't help but smile ruefully... As the side reads:

"Once upon a time, there was a very busy girl with a tired yet hopeful soul. then, one day her soul asked her to stop... and just breathe. and so she did, and the girl and her soul live happily ever after"
-Maggie Lindley

Oh thank you, quotable mug, for reminding me in an ever-so-corny way of what I've been meaning to do for a year now.

Just breathe.

My Birthday Wish

In less than two weeks, I will be 25 years old. A quarter of my life hereby passed, provided all goes well and I make it to 100. Some of you have asked me what I want for my birthday this year. I'm touched by your love and generosity; that you would even think of me in times of such upheaval and economic turmoil is touching. But none of us are rich, so save your money.

That being said, there is one thing I would like for my birthday.

I want this man to be President.

In addition to being my date of birth, November 4th is Election Day. Though I know I'm largely preaching to the California choir, I want to take a minute to ask you all to bestow upon me the best birthday present you could possibly give -- your vote for Barack Obama.

Change. It's a word that both nominees have fought over to claim as their own. But John McCain is not change. He is at the center of the very same corrupt Washington world he portends to want to amend. Maybe back in 2000 he was a maverick -- not to me, but to some of you, perhaps. But now he is one of Them -- a puppet of the Republican attack machine which turns everything it touches to pure and unadulterated shit.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't want you to vote for Obama just because he's a Democrat. Hell, I don't even want you to vote for him because I want you to. If you care about your future... Your children's future... The environment, the economy, women's rights, health care, the working classes, and our place in this world (yes, we are a member of a global community -- or at least we used to be), then you should vote for Barack Obama. Even if you're "rich," and make over $250,000 a year or own a business and take issue with the idea of taxes. Remember that individually we are but small parts of a bigger picture -- I am just as responsible for contributing to this country (by way of taxes, volunteering, voting) as you are. If we only think of ourselves as being in a microcosm then we are doomed to failure.

Most of you have met my mom over the years. And even if you haven't, I've made no secret of the fact that she is far and away my best friend. As much as I love my friends, there are plenty of times when I choose to hang out with her instead of keeping a social schedule. What you may not know is that my mom is one of the millions of Americans without health insurance. The divorce hit her hard and cost her everything. Though she owns her one bedroom condo, the bottoming out of the housing market has essentially trapped her. She has no job (and at her age, very few prospects) and no means of income other than my dad's measly $1K/month alimony.

Health-wise, she has her good days and bad days -- but the last few years have been tough on her. She rarely sleeps more than four hours a night and eats even less. I'm guessing she weighs no more than 90lbs. For all we know, she could have cancer and be dying... But without health insurance she can't just go and visit a doctor -- much less receive any treatment. She hasn't had a routine mammogram or doctor's exam for at least three years. She complains that her teeth hurt all the time, and she is very often in pain in her hip. Yet in this incredibly rich country she cannot see a doctor. So instead we hope for the best, and I do everything I can to help her out and have happy days... But I have an incredibly overwhelming feeling that things are not okay with her, and my hands are tied to help. If John McCain is elected president, our hands will be further tied -- as even with the so-called "5K credit," no one will insure her; she's almost 60, with a history of lumps and bumps and other small maladies that will make her undesirable to insurance companies.
...If you don't believe me, here's some food for thought -- at 24 years old, I am uninsurable. Why? Because I was hospitalized once almost four years ago for 6 days. Even though I am an otherwise healthy young woman, insurance companies have labeled me a risk -- even Kaiser Permanente -- the paragon of cheap and affordable we'll-take-anyone health insurance, has denied me. If it weren't for my membership in the California Farm Bureau (that I joined *specifically* for the access to health insurance), I too would have no health coverage. Luckily, as a daughter of a naturally-born Canadian citizen, I am automatically one as well. So if I ever have a catastrophic illness or debilitating injury, I could fly up North and receive the proper care that I would otherwise be unable to afford. What an incredible commentary it is on our country that I would have to leave the place I've lived in my whole life and cross the border if it came down to saving my life from a disease I couldn't afford to treat. Unfortunately, my mom has no such luxury. Neither does Justin, neither will our children, and as far as I know, neither do you. I hope you don't get sick.

Life is ephemeral. We have a short time on this planet to make our mark and hopefully leave it a better place than how it was when we were born. I am worried for our future. I have actively considered putting off having children (or adopting) unless this country changes for the better. I will not bring children into a world where the top 2% of the richest people own everything while millions of others live in relative squalor. I will not bring children into a world where they cannot breathe the air and drink the water. I will not bring children into a world where I have to worry about everything they put into their mouths -- as thanks to Republican deregulation their bottle may have BPA, their toys may have lead paint, and their food may be tainted by E-Coli. I will not bring children into the world when I live in a country whose President believes that if we have to be in a 100 year war, then so be it. I will not.

But there is hope.

Like many of you, I have the audacity to hope. To dream. To commit myself to a cause of monumental importance. I will do anything and everything in my power to get Barack Obama elected the 44th President of the United States. I am committed to Change -- and so is he.

I am committed to educating everyone I meet.
I am committed to standing up for those who can't do it for themselves.
I am committed to doing my part; recycling & giving time and money to charity.
I am committed to good journalism and reporting what is true and important.
I am committed to leaving this world better than how I found it.
I am committed to my mother.

I am committed to hope.

So please, no presents this year. Take an hour off of work, stand in line, and let your voice be heard by voting. Do this one thing for me. For my mom, for our children and for our future. Do it for yourself... Because no one else will.

Happy Birthday to me, indeed.

--K.