People...

...And you thought I forgot about you.

Silly blog, writing is for those with time! Alas, I have none of that. Even so, I've been inspired to blow the dust off from this little project and try again. And the source of that inspiration, dear friends, is a talented writer who goes by Pudd'nhead Nathan.

Much like your very own Princesse Désireuse, Nathan hates people. Not persons, but y'know, *people.* Groups of them. Crowds of oxygen-breathing, polluting, loud, ugly, sweaty, red-faced people.

I couldn't be more in line with his sentiments.

Though I've always maintained that I'm a person person, I am so NOT a people person. Do I want the best for humanity? Yes. Do I live out my life in a way that works towards a greater good? Yes; I recycle at home and for my workplace, I donate time and money to charity (when it permits), and if I could I would rescue every dog in 250 miles and put them in good homes or into a self-built rescue ranch full of love, sunshine, and grass to poop on. ...Ok, that last one may not be about humanity, but the point is my heart's in the right place.

But people. Ugh... PEOPLE! Call me an elitist, but I think my general distaste for my human compatriots comes out of my lack of patience for their collective stupidity. And they are -- by and large we Americans are a society of over-spending, overeating, selfish, highly uneducated fools. I feel like if I was a student in a 5th grade classroom with the assignment to answer the writing prompt "People are ______" I would fill in "just as they are on the 405 freeway at rush hour on a 100 degree day with your windows up and no air conditioning." Stifling. Obnoxious. Drones. A sea of stupid, fat sheep in 'roided out SUVs.

But to follow in the footsteps of dear Nathan (because that's another thing "people" inherently are -- followers), I've compiled a list of who I hate specifically.

1. Republicans. They pretty much encompass all I hate about humanity.
2. Religious zealots who piously tell me I'm going to hell for being an atheist whilst their preacher rapes 13 year old boys behind the altar.
3. Advertisers and mass marketers, who have perpetuated an unattainable (by most) image of beauty that has retarded ours and our daughters self esteem, body image, and emotional depth.
4. Cops who like to write me tickets for things like turning right into shopping plazas between the hours of 3-5pm, just to fill their quotas.
5. Students who open their big mouths in class over and over again, despite being totally empty-headed.
6. Students who NEVER open their mouth, or -worse- are called upon, don't know WHAT the hell to say, and inspire the teacher to give a pop-quiz to the whole class.
7. People who talk just to hear themselves talk.
8. Illiterate folk. Aka people who (despite having received the same education as I have) still can't read or write well. Or who think I'm some sort of scholarly geek cause I know "big" words like "superfluous." Or "cacophony."
9. Animal abusers. This is right up there with Republicans, in my book. I'd like to tie them up with choke chains and put them in the heat and cold alone for 24 hours a day and see how well they do.
10. Misplaced elitists who act like because my peers are young/poor, they're automatically smarter or higher up on the class ladder. Most assuredly, they are not.
11. Any and everyone who doesn't care enough about the future of this planet to do even the most simple things like recycle or replace an old lightbulb.
12. Wal-Mart.
13. People who don't say thank you after you do something nice -- or even something simple, like holding open a door for them.
14. Representatives from credit card companies who prey upon young, mathematically challenged college students who are poor and thrilled to be "pre-approved!" for anything.
15. Slow drivers in the fast lane. Also drivers who go the *exact* speed limit in the fast lane.
16. Bureaucrats -- at schools, in the government, in health care, everywhere. They're like an endless supply of double-sided red tape dispensers.
17. People waiting in line. If there's space in front of you -- whether you're in you car, holding the handle of a shopping cart or are unencumbered, SCOOCH THE DAMN LINE UP.
18. Irresponsible members of the media. Note I didn't say "journalists," because in order to qualify as a journalist, you're supposed to uphold your integrity, have a sense of ethics, and always be in search of the truth -- bias be damned.
19. Men who take advantage of women emotionally, sexually, and financially... And women who allow or encourage it.
20. People who are easily "offended." I don't think I have ever used the term in relation to myself... I just don't get how people find that certain things occurring in every day life somehow "offend" their sensibilities (assuming they have any to begin with).
    
21. Sarah Palin.

Ok, now for something ridiculously fun to lighten the mood...